End o' the line.

this is the end... beautiful friends...~

this is the end... my only friend~ the end~

it will be a death of part of me. it is inevitable. but i bet crazyass Charles the comedian can come up with something even better eh ^_^

~
why didn't i stop sooner?

because i didn't feel like it. because it didn't feel right. it wasn't the right thing to do... for some reason or another, i had to keep on droppin ya know. relentlessly, as if to prove my spirit. Sure, there are other ways I coulda gone around to doin this, but honestly, (of course) i just did what felt right. who knows God's intentions, ya know. the ultimate schematic- the final fabrication, the rug on the floor, which we will then use to walk and build on.

i was never a junkie, i was never a druggie, an addict or a user. i was always, always faced with that one decision, before i put that shit to my lips... and i always said yes, because at the time, it made shit better.

well life's a lot better than the effects of dxm. there's a whole lot of shit out there man. sure i learned how to chase turtles while riding cheetahs, but in the end you can only have so much turtle before you start turnin into one...

and this dinosaur ain't no beady-eyed armadillo-wannabe!

Peace Frogs

Soooo shit continues to continue. Nothin's goin on. At all. Literally, I could've just woken up ten days ago or ten days in the future, and there's no difference.

I guess it's a time of relative stillness for the universe. Things seem chill...  

I don't have too much to say really, just that, well... i can't wait til the 1st to pay off the gov't.

Driver, where you taking us?

Man, wish I could just sit around and write all day. Write and read...

That exact possibility may be occurring sometime next month. After I pay off my court fees. I just gotta hang on til I pay this shit off... then I might go down to Benson to live with my parents. God, that'd be nice. Just chill down there and read, write, and work. Fuck my sisters.

Sure do wish I hadn't lost my job. But it's too late to look back and wish.

I'm gonna swing by some of the places I applied at. See if they need me. Jack in the Box, Chevron, Barnes & Noble... we'll see. I should probly shave first.

I don't know. It's crazy... on the one hand, I have this incredible drive to do something amazing, something to alter the course of mankind's flow. Destiny, I guess. I know it's going to happen, regardless of what I do. The only thing that matters is my spirit... my path is already laid out before me. All I can do is maintain my positive drive and make those footprints where they need to be. But on the other hand, I feel the teetering seduction of abyss, of the lake of fire, of just throwing in the towel and surrendering the spirit.

Every day is a balance between the two. A battle of positive and negative. All the while, my attempt at remaining neutral, with an edge towards positivity. I know it's wrong, innately- what you seek is often what is farthest from your grasp, only when you let go of your reaching for it, that you find it close at hand.

My writing is broken and shameful. I haven't been writing at all. Just walking around, reading and drinking energy drinks, like I have all the time in the world. I'm a magnificent bluff. But it's really not the bluff of a gambler set to win, more the bluff of a comic set to entertain infinity- the crowd- with one grand gesture... before being thrown off stage for his raucous debacles.

I ain't here for no one. It's just me and God, me and infinity. And honestly, in the end, it's just God. Fate. Destiny.

It's ironic that while I'm in such a state that I could produce the most truly brazen poetry i have yet written, the very nature of my state detaches me from any such fornications of the literary abstraction. I'm only blogging, today, due to the overwhelming sense of despondence and loneliness that encompasses my orb, my aura, my spirit, like paint dropped on a waiting egg.

I wish I had a student ID, or a freakin laptop so I could type! God damn. I need a job... It sucks! Right when shit was going good, I flubbed it! I always do that shit. And it's ironic, as well, because I'm always telling people to stop making so much fucking drama- there's enough out there even without trying.

Things are never so easy, however. Things are never so simple. Not anymore. The woolly, cotton brains of infancy have definitely gone on the blue bus.

~I Love You~

I feel the epitome of loneliness... the very fuckin feeling of rejection and hurt.

I loved this girl. I loved her so much, my heart could fill up the universe and still keep expanding, were I to share but a single true kiss with her~ God damn I loved this girl.

I'm not one of those guys that says 'alright, well time to move on'. I follow my heart. And my heart still bleeds for this woman. I don't know to what end, what misery i may sink into just for the price of doing so, but god damn... I don't care. I really love her... I can't help it... even the way she calls me a fuckin idiot and nutjob and shit, it's so fuckin admirable. god dammit. head over heels indeed. head over heels, in the bottom of the marinas trench with a rubic's cube gypsy triplasm lock lol~! god damn.

I will never surrender, no, I will not deny
The love I feel for you, the love that I chase
All of my heart, and my soul, would give freely
For one simple sentence spoken truly, gleefully~

Caterang~

Even with my earphones in, i thought i heard a cough that sounded JUST like her!

God, I still love her. What the FUCK.

WHY?! God I just want to passionately hold her and love her and be everything, give everything, do everything! It's so fuckin painful ahhhhhhhhh man....

Such intense longing... Aww man... god damn...