I've been thinking of just going ahead and finishing all the old stories I have on Fictionpress...

Might as well, they're just sittin, collecting dust lol.

Not even internet dust is as amiable as a scenario or plot seen through to completion, however.

I don't know, just a thought... a thought that pleases me greatly...

Ohhhh myyyyyy.... lol

I'm writing this on a laptop that could go out at any time.

Literally- there is some kind of connection problem with someething on the board; I took it apart as best I could but this thing is tighter than a firefighter's vagina...

=) All is not lost in the world...

love and war

They don't want you to know about 911  being staged, or Benghazi or as bad as the situation I'm in right now...  everyone knows they're the enemy.... everyone knows they have the power... everyone knows they control the way we think, believe, and reason. We are but pawns in the ephemereal chess game they play while watching the sprinklers chase the illegals.

Shit, I wish my neighborhoood was as established as this"

Harrrison Ford climbs down the ladder, slinging a concubine over his shoulder.

And instead of movies that make you feel 'good' after seeing them, how about movies that embrace the darkness... show evil winning...

all's fair in leissei-faire~

[or good guys doing evil..?]

The custom error module does not recognize this error.

All these cheatin bastards are waiting for the good guy to come out and shit, but it ain't happenin...

THE MONK.

Man I'm hungry lol....

eat dinosaur food

I never really knew my old man... honestly I can say that the people who work with him know him better than I do.  I respect the man immensely but... well really I just don't want to feel anythin bad about my mom or my dad. I wish only the best for them cats, I mean they did the best they could with me with what they had at the time...  I really shouldn't feel bad about it...

Man...

I'm gonna start makin my own fruit smoothies instead of drinkin soda.

I'll invest in a damn good blender.

I remember those old commercials about like food shredders and shit, some crazy intense freakin robot-android-on-magic-powder freakin beast.

Yeah... Billy Mays here with Oxycontin!

jk,,,, but actually i'm on an opiate (or what has been classified as a 'synthetic opiate')

err... actually... now that i think about it... i haven't dexed all day. i'm just drunk and...

scissors<'x'<paper
x=state of mind (synonymous of object inferred by relationship shown above)
yeah that, but medieval.

sanctity vs sanity

I might sing lyrics wrong at first... but eventually I get them right. And when I pass that point I realize I shouldn't feel bad- at least I'm singing.

Been playin bass again... pretty cool. Digg my acoustic/electric... too bad I can only hook it up during the day... but that's why I got the acoustic/electric; I can bring that crap downtown without the amp and still make some dough if I have to.

I can't wait for next semester... hell I can't wait for today. I've been doing pretty good lately... I mean I'll be relieved once my roommate actually pulls through and pays his share of the rent like we agreed... I loaned him some dough recently and he's racked up quite the bill lol. He'll probably try and cajole me into getting off easy, like every one I loan money to. Hell I guess I shouldn't bitch, I'm guilty of the same damn shit.

Still, I really need the little money I have left. I don't know if financial aid is going to arrive in time for the turn of the month. They always pull that 3-5 business days bullshit. Like, as if you're not already disservicing me by saying it's going to arrive one day then give a 3-5 day 'grace' period- you have to spread my cheeks as you're assfucking me and pull this 'business days' bullshit and ram me even harder lol. But you know Chuck- patience of a Lionheart.

My vision's gotten way worse over the years... that's for sure. Shit I have to squint for nowadays, I have to lean in to see tomorrow. Shit I saw clear yesterday I gotta squint for today...

And damn, I really gotta start workin my abs again. This shit was excusable back in Winter, when I could say it was for warmth, but dude... yeah I am not going to Laguna friggin beach anytime soon man.

Man I started thinking about my 'friends' I used to have back in Flag... man what a bunch of freakin users man.  I bet if I didn't have my apartment after highschool, none of them tards would have even hung out with me.  They used me for my knowledge and they used me for my drugs and money... I don't know, I just don't think I'll ever think anything positive about any of them fuckers for the rest of my life. I don't care if one of them wins the nobel fuckin peace prize, I'll still be hopin they trip off the podium, fuckin assholes.

Last night I raised my grades in one of my classes from a 50 to an 80 percent lol. Friggin awesome...

And hell, I didn't even barely touch this friggin French Vodka... why'd it have to be the French vodka on sale... come on, gimme some of that polish, or irish whiskey...

My friend Eris says he's a scotch man... I say have a cup of piss, why don't ya. Shit! Who could drink that shit and call it 'their drink'. That's like saying 'I prefer Canadian blended whiskey, my good sir'.

Shit! I'll have a Samuel Adams so I can give it to someone else. lol. And who the fuck drinks IPA, or any pale ale? You've gotta be pale as fuck drunk to tolerate that nasty crap. I suppose some guys are the self-victimizing types though, a real bleedin heart emo fag or somethin... No wonder Dylan liked that shit.

man fuck them.

damn I haven't had pussy in so long my balls hurt just thinkin about that shit. I wanna slap the last few bitches I slept with just for makin me miss their sorry asses for somethin. friggin librarian, smarmy cunt... great tits though... shit, great lotsa stuff... heh. Then there was that mormon chick who thinks I impregnated her. Shit! You wish I came in ur ass! I will take that shit to Springer, nah, Maury, motha @#$@.

Then there was this one guy I almost fucked, but he was so full of himself he wouldn't give me the pleasure lol. He couldn't handle my ass anyways... I swear some 'straight' guys are so friggin dense man. I can see why some chicks hate guys. Course I say that but I'm probably one of em.

Garr this calls for a bowl and a... banana... lol. Yeah, I got bananas... doubt I'm really gonna get one though. My roommate sleeps right in the way of the doorway out to the front door and the kitchen. Yeah it's a weird setup... it's actually a partitioned section of a huge house we all are renting out of. It's pretty nuts but I bet the guy up top is making some cozy cash... cozy enough to only have to charge us 400 for rent and utilities.  My roommate owes me like 150, 180 bucks at least lol so by the time next month rolls around I won't have to pay anything...

He might be pulling some sheisty shit though, and saying he's leaving on the fifteenth but really leaving on the first or something. Hmm... Who knows. That's why I'll probably never rent out or room with strangers after this... God, at least if I can help it.

It'll be nice, having my own place man. Oh yeah shit! I never hit that bizzurp.

Can't wait to have my own place again... 400 a month... but I'm getting like five and a half grand... Supposed to last me til January though... that's starting on the eighth month... five months. That's only 2 grand for rent and utilities. 3500 pocket... 300 a month for food... 1500, leavin 2 grand again for whatever... damn i'm dumb, i'm like totally spacing tuition and... well hell actually I think that 5500 was AFTER tuition lol. Either case, I'll have enough. I'll have to log in and see later... or hell I could do it quick.

;_; good thing I checked.

Guess it's gonna be tighter this Winter than I thought... lol I can't believe I'm saying that considering I'm bitching about 'only having a thousand extra dollars' but you know what the ace up my sleeve is? I'm doing this all with subsidized loans or awards- no unsubsidized loans. So when I graduate I won't have all this interest piled up on me. It'll be a little rough, ya know, and most likely I'll probably end up either a)being homeless a month or two out of these five months just so I can have some leisure/spending money; or, more likely considering I'm not an idiot anymore and realize how much being homeless SUCKS, b)I'll find a roommate, or if anything, the occasional tweaker/drunk to crash at my pad for a month or two to line my pockets a little more.

It sucks, I had this thing going with this awesome girl, Mary, but shit fell apart due to my erratic and unforgiving lifestyle. I ended up losing base with her in the whirlwind of shit that was going on and I guess she was so offended she decided I wasn't worth it... =/ It's really a bummer cuz I was planning on her coming out and living with me once I had the place to myself- and at the time it seemed unrealistic and just another of Charles' dex dreams but lmao guess even a deadbeat like me can make a dream come true in today's day and age... just like all my other friends, they all lost faith in me. No one held in there with me throughout the hardships... hell even my fuckin family forsook me, even my angel saint of a mother lost faith in me for a while. I mean there was always my dad but that's probably just 'cuz we're so distant, I don't know what he's feeling most of the time. I won't ever be like that with my kids... I don't care how bad shit comes between me and my kids, I'll never lose base with them the way my family has lost base with me.

Maybe I'm just an asshole. I'd rather hate them freely than deal with the burden of their love. All I know is, it doesn't feel right, just like it doesn't feel right about my old friends from Flag, or the way Mike helped me out, or any of it... it's like every silver lining really has a touch of grey...

It's gonna be an excellent day... I've already decided- no if's and's or but's abooot it! garrrrrr! I love me some good liquor... Some take delight in fishin and bowlin, other's take delight in the courage of rowin; I take delight in the juice of the barley~ courtin pretty women in the marnin' so early~

^_^m excellence doth abide my people... excellence doth abide... I can't wait for Sunday. That's my math day... I'm gonna start from the beginning and take as many notes as I can... I'm gonna get a 90+% on that final or me left finger be inspectin yer prostate... lol left finger...

man life would be different if people had tentacles...

whoaah mikanu kurebay! lol! fuuuuuuck i feel fanTASTIC! oh meine gute~

lol man... I can't believe i asked my girlfriends to suck me off while I was chuggin dex... but fuck yeah did that shit feel awesome... ya know i think the sexiest thing about it wasn't even the act itself, it was the fact that they were willing to verily make fools of themselves if it meant my pleasure... man that's putting it in the worst light... i mean honestly it won my respect like madly ya know... God there's nothing like getting head from someone who loves and respects you... like when they REALLY want to make you happy, ya know... it fuckin rocks... Like when your eyes meet right after you cum and they swallow it all and cutely glance up at you, passionately, with the biggest most content grin... God... that's when you're like 'I will do ANYTHING for this girl, good fuckin God...'

Yeah, and you DO do anything for that girl lol. Join the fuckin military, walk out that door and swear to yourself you will not return until you get another fuckin job, eat that bitch's poontang til the river runs dry~ I mean, shit... I miss me my bitches, that's for sure. Cuz BITCHES they is, for what they done to me! mmmhmmm tell em Shaniqua.


wrote this shit earlier, figured I'd hide it at the bottom:

Honestly, this is gonna sound pretty bad but I'm bein honest here...

Whenever I ingest DXM I feel like I should be proud- others doubt me, others don't dare have the balls to do what the hell I'm doin... others laugh and mock me, still like a festering wound I persist and consume with rotten, bestial enthusiasm...

I drink at LEAST two 3oz containers a day... I only underestimate so much because I gotta count for the days I crash or find myself unable to procure any, which occurs like 1/10 days, being generous.

85mls per container*6 (ratio of DXM/ml) = >510mgs in each 3oz (89ml container).
At least 2 containers a day= 1020mgs

But most days I get like 3.5 85ml container's worth, or two 5oz containers. And on occasions I'll get three big 5ozers, but I (usually) space it out over the day so it's not so concentrated... yeah that's when the crazy shit goes down... life directions are changed... lol some dumb shit as well.

Then again, tbh my tolerance must be so high at this point, and from the get-go I never really agree with my supplier's supposed ratio of 6mgs/ml. Shit, more like 4 at best. Then again the dex I ingests' method of delivery, chemical-wise, is proportedly significantly different than the typical Hbr sizzurp. I'm trying to speak through a veil here because... well we all know the power of the net. I mean even the government's caught on, fuck- you know that shit's been goin on for a while if our lawmakers catch on to it.

castles in the mud

i miss the amanda that wrote that letter for me so many centuries ago...

and fade away

Amazing, how often we take the simplest things in life for granted...

Man, I swear I spend half my time just lookin for shit... in the world, in my room, in my brain, in my *cuts wrist* ...heart...

lol

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck finally cashin, err crashin out after
Any man who can dance and sing to Sugar Ray then STILL want to make sweet love to a GIRL is probably a badass... just sayin

make friends with the enemy while they're ahead... then ruthlessly end their reign

for the first time...

man, this world continues to inspire and create me.

When it's over...

I'm not gonna lie, things aren't all peachy-clean and creamy, yo.

Charles is in a world of pain, swimming in a sea of regret, drowning, drowning in questions... questions like 'why?'.

...why did shit fuck up with these beautiful, amazing women that crossed my path? Becca, Kristi, Cait, Amanda (oh, Amanda...), even Emma... man. It really fuckin hurts man, I mean I really loved these women... I'm lucky Becca still talks to me. She's cool... I respect that a lot, that she considers me important enough, that she considers what we shared important enough, to not mind having me around, ya know.

Kristi... well she's got issues.  I wanted to help that broad out but sometimes all we can do is hurt even when all we want to do is help... guess it just wasn't meant to be. Yeah sounds pretty pretentious but shit...

Cait, well, fuck me sideways with a toaster.  The FUCK do I have to say about that bitch. SUCKS FOR YOU, BITCH! Sucks you're gonna DIE alone with your friggin DOG! Who might actually live LONGER than you!! (Well I say that but secretly I spend 1/3 of my daydreams singing to her and winning her heart, still).

Amanda Cora Cheek... Walter Richter Cheek... a person worthy of two identities, for the size of his/her heart. What a friggin woman, man. God I wish I could go back to the days when I had her, and could hold her, and just feel REAL with this beautiful, beautiful person... man what a wonderful partner... I love her so much, still. It hurts to think about her, most.

Even more than this bitch from the library- no i'm just kiddin. But seriously that Emma Teskey chick... what the fuck was that about? Talk about a conflict of interests. I was a rockstar and she was a librarian. Yeah that shit wasn't meant to be... still, she was a nice gal and would have made a great partner... if she could ever get over herself lol. well that's not being fair... still it's hard not to be callous towards someone that ripped you off ripe and hot like a too-fresh scar.


I just gotta keep my head down and do my schoolwork... things will work out.  Next semester I'll have the pad all to myself for only 400 a month, and that includes utilities and wifi.

It sucks, it's getting to that point again where I'm so desperate I don't even care about sex anymore, I just want intimacy, and closeness with someone else. Someone to make this dream a reality... I'm trying to put myself out there, maybe I should try a little harder. I don't know... I like the pace I'm going at...

Yeah I can't wait for next month man. End of August, I'm going to see Black Sabbath with my dad, fuckin awesome~ I might just tear up, I mean it... I fuckin love Sabbath... to think they've been powering on for over thirty years man... hell more like forty. God bless the restless souls of this planet~

It sucks my parents are going through this divorce again... God it really makes you look at life differently when your heroes turn out to be just as human as you. All I want is for them to be happy... All I want is a family again...

=/ but that's not gonna happen... it won't ever be like it was.

Well maybe I can make something different, something better... something stronger~ something that won't fall apart, no matter what happens.

I'll never forgive those black-hearted witches... Beverly... Samantha...

...for what else can I do..? I'm done being the one that never gives in, the one that hangs on stubbornly... I don't have the energy to 'do the right thing'. No- what they want is an illusion, and I will never play party to such an act, such falsity... they pine for that which was blown away in the dark wind years ago... I am who I am, and if the truth is uglier than the pretty lie they would have me live, then ugly I shall be... as I've always been; imperfect, but just right enough to know how wrong I really am...

...well. enough of that...

i actually feel a little better lol... i'll finish up this math shit and then see if i can't make headway in other areas...

I won't front or f*ck this ho~

 the purest form of expression is harmony.

She ran her slender fingers down her locklern hair.  It wasn't in the greatest of fashion heights these days but it was enough to deduce a legible script from.
   Swelling from her bosom upward, she smiled as she sang... I think that's that I liked about her. She shot down the hanging pigeons with one fell sweep, sort of like how she gave her heart to me...

Maybe it's just wanting that which we cannot have. That it so boldly produces an epiphany, well; that wasn't the focus of this in the first-place.

Oh man, then the tides turn, and psychedelic poetry is on the wall and you can't stall because it's in over drive baby can't compete can't relate what the hell is the sin when you're the hate

I'll take yee as me wife
I'll take yee as me mate
Don't be surprised of the challenges in wait~

First you get haters

then you get fans...

seems to be the way it rolls...

the one you want to be with most, is the one that's hardest to reach...

Things have been goin alright... just sleepin and hangin out at the pad. I guess my roommate is leaving next month and it will be AAAAAALL mine! whoah!

I can't wait but at the same time, Barry's been a real nice guy, like truly laid back- and that's hard to find these days... man. That;'s the way life always works- you give something or you take something, and something gives to you or takes from you. 

There is no time to dabble in philosophies, ya know. It takes all we are to be part of the dream that is our life here on Earth~

I wish to God there were more time in the day...
 Its become total warfare here.'''

Though you know I live for more~

I ponder at the absence of spare time I have these days... It seems all my time is spent doing homework, or thinking about doing homework, or getting supplies so I can do homework better, or wondering if I did all my homework or when I can do more homework...

lol... momma pajama. 

Things seem to be taking a turn... me and this old man I'm living with, we don't get along all that well.  I guess it's just as well he's heading off to do his own thing next month. 

I try and be confident and outgoing but oftentimes I have my doubts. I stumble as much as any man... my whole childhood I was raised as the prodigal child with counter-redeeming features, so-to-speak... I was a bad kid with a good heart, or something to that effect... a good kid that made bad choices...

it wasn't up to me, what the shit I say
I sing like a poodle everyday
I feel pretty pushed
its remarkable to me that the very societies we see.  Never make mention in world history.   Lol.    I can move forward around this shit so I can continue to blog.   These stupid waves that encompass the essence of my interaction with the universe; it bores me so., dogg~

Though she make my body ache (and you know I live for more) I won't flake- nor perpetrate- I won't front or fu*k this ho~

Hey I just realized, all this shit is very dualistic.  Dualism is like the solid bush on the chaparral~ We want to be like the solid broccoli-esque joshua-bush of the chaparral.  That's cool.  But you know what's even better...

All we are is energy in motion, going through routines.

Now you're talkin pragmadualism or its friend. Hell, I should tell you right now that I'm just super friggin excited about this shiz, that's for sure.

*passes out...*

*...hours later...*

"Hey, you're no Bellsprout!"

"...But under Article 14 of the pokem-"

I am Jamaican but I aint no freak

C35#A5422#30DB#F42F m^_^m

Man, have I had the time of my life, recently....

God I feel good. Prying the Museum of South America... whoah

I really pushed hard and realized Id sunk a little deeper than I'd thought... Meine gute, es tute mir leid... Aber, Ich hab grosse Verstehen geweissen~ think ill take another German course next semester.

The Man With the Machine Gun

So many thoughts, and feelings, and for once, they are of relatively positive flow. That's how it feels, anyways... I wonder... hmmm...

Well, some things have kinda developed... I put aside my homework for a week and focused on getting off the streets and now I'm sharing this tight pad with a gnarly Karate master or somethin... dude's a friggin ninja man.

I'm trying to catch up on my schoolwork... which reminds me- it's time for some serious MATH man... I finally turned in last week's video game homework.... so tonight and tomorrow i'll catch up on Math, and the day after I'll do my business class and Video Game homework, then it's back to math and i'll be set... yeah friggin ridiculous lol... man it's so hot in here, it's a freakin sweathouse man... definitely is gonna keep me in shape- sweatin all the time.

I got way more than enough money to cover everything I need.  So it's all about focus right now, and efficiency.  In other words, I'm in my element =)

I just wanna say, I truly do hope the best for mankind... I dream of us disembarking through the Star Ocean like the cats that started this great country- away from the nasty crap we know, to build a new life, with dreams of excellence all around~

Well. I'm just killin sweat and time. Wish I had a good girl right here with me... garrr... I always be thinkin of me next haul of booty... garrr.... m^_^m

Eons

Man... these have been the roughest days of my life.  No, not days... Eons ...

There are none who know the extent of the depth of darkness that consumes the confines of my being....   There are none who can fathom the billions of ripples coalesced in my cerulean-scented, heavily fermented consciousness

No sin could scar this soul
As incomplete as whole