We'll form utopia~

I finished a short story last night... it's pretty mediocre but it taught me a lot about my own writing style. I have some poetry to upload, and that story, but there ain't no time today. I wasted too much at the bookstore, reading... dammit >_<

I'll upload what I can, here, but I only have ten minutes left on the computer...

I am only a man.
So many assertations and deductions can be subtracted from that statement... (And the very words you read right now). Mankind is accountable for all the possibilities of this universe, due to the very ability to cognate such components.
I am only a man.
And as such, I should be united with any other individual on this planet who would be so humble as to digress themselves, thusly.
I am only a man.
And if you choose to stand beside me, together we shall gather the universes, the galaxies~ as shepherds doth before the storm~
~~~~
For our battle is not here, amongst the huddled masses
It is alive, awake and beckoning~ from beyond the stars (wherever that is)
And if it should, upon us, come, as priest to children full of sin
Then we shall be lost to the dust~ a cosmic grain in the cold wind

Our destiny awaits us out there
Hammering amongst steel stars
With anvil of intelligence
And mallet of our hearts
~For when man is united
It will be as leaf to limb
Adding but more sunlight
For each other to take in
~As brothers, we'll alight the skies
With deeds of cosmic cornucopia
We'll seed the planets with our light
Though forlorn, we'll form utopia
~And when the gardens do gain rise
There will be thorn bushes, alright...
As in the light there is the shadow
An uphill fight- one we'll win, though~

yeah I was pretty cracked out on energy drinks. I gotta chill on those. man I wish I could upload my freakin story but there's like five minutes left now >_<

Whiskey in the jar

What do you want me to do
To watch for you while you're sleepin...?~
...Then please don't be surprised
When you find me dreaming too...

Man when I was a kid I thought I was gonna take over the freakin world. There wasn't a single damn thing to stop me from doing what I wanted...

Slowly but surely, the ant hill before me became a mountain... and the little dirt trail I started out on became a massive highway filled with tons of others like me, some faster, some (few) slower.

Is it right to dream when your dreams are shared by so many? Is it right to be inspired?

People can tell me, 'Hey Charles, you're so cool man. Of course you're unique. You're the only guy like you.'

(Whole lotta good bein a 'guy like me' has been so far)

Now it's like my eyes ain't on them stars. Now it's like my eyes are on what's in front of me, and I'm just trying to get through the damn day. What the hell... It ain't right man.

If you should stand
Then who's to guide you...?
...If I knew the way
I would take you home
It's not possible to lose something without gaining something else, ya know. But I think I'd rather have what I lost lol.

~~~
(Drug rant)

I experimented with a ton of psychedelics and entheogens... I ordered shit online from places like Latvia, Brazil, Washington, even. But it wasn't til I found dxm that I really found what I loved.

There's a bite to it, of course. It's not all ups ya know. Nothing is... And I might even die from this shit. Hell I probably already am dying. I've been ingesting so much syrup and sugar, my body's probably shot.

On the one hand I'm ashamed... But when I take away the family, the friends, etc, it's just me. Me, and my life, my death, and my experience here on Earth/beyond. I'm not gonna live my life based on what people around me think. If I like something, I'm fuckin doing it. Just like if I don't like something, there ain't no way you can force me to do it...

Used to be, my words were respected. I guess once my 'friends' realized I wasn't some fuckin prophet bound for greatness, just a regular mother fucker like them, well, I wasn't good enough for 'em.

Fuck em... they're not real. They're fuckin phantoms. Just like I'm a phantom, to them.

A part of me tells me that I have to do something with my life... the major part is telling me, do what the hell you want. Guess I don't wanna do shit with my life lol

Remissions from a notebook down under~

I wonder if she ever thinks about me, now. I looked her up- I don't know why- the other day and found out... well, I don't know. I screwed things up, I guess. I just did what felt right, only, it didn't work out. And instead of us both going our separate ways peacefully, as we should, I was just left with this empty void, this hole that I wish more than anything else could be filled.

I did meet another girl- my ex- but, as has been said before, how do you compare two sunrises?


Rebecca Kathaleen Hewitt is the most remarkable, yet down-to-earth girl I've ever been blessed with sharing my time on Earth with. I could relate to her so well, I could not tell you whether she actually was on a genuine parallel wavelength with me, or whether she was just coasting on my vibes...

Who am I kidding?! That girl was the real deal =) Everything that I ever wanted in a gal, I found in her. But in doing so, I realized how dissatisfied with myself I was. I had always though my self perfect, but this girl saw through it all with hardly a glance my way.

Their Will Be Done

We're so fuckin puny. We are literally just like the tiny atoms, and just like the monumental planets in orbit, and just like the fuckin cars in the racetrack... I mean it, it's all such fuckin bullshit man. How can anyone possibly take this so seriously? How can anyone take life so damn serious?!

I say this as I take life utterly seriously lol.

Man, I really gotta get back into school... God, there's just this empty void in my life, I don't know what it is but I know there's no hope of filling it... Blah blah, everyone's heard this same shit before, ya know.  I'm just another mother fucker. Another mother fucker in pain crying out to the heavens as the darkness crushes all sound and reason... Another static echo in life's resounding chamber of noiseless fog in my head~

I'm getting so close to the borderline. I'm just gonna fucking snap one day, I know it. Something's gonna wash over me, and I won't have anything to hold on to, so I'll just ride that 'fuck it' wave out to who knows where, and ya know what? I won't give a shit. Cuz even if anyone gave a shit about me, or anything, it doesn't fuckin matter. Nothing fuckin matters. This country is bullshit. We founded this shit on obtaining a feeling of satisfaction and then as soon as we find the first shortcut to that road BAM we cut that shit off, quarantine it, nope, can't do that...

I welcome death. I know it awaits me. And it is the only ultimate end to this dream.

Seriously, this is a fucked up planet.

Now, I wonder if there's a possibility of breaking the bounds of this containment. See, dualism is as ingrained in this reality as gravity and sovereignty. It is as real and identifiable as the rocks in a geological spectrum. One would have to assume that perhaps there is another force... perhaps it is a force so linguistically undefiable as to ascertain a nodst creanx... hell I have to illuminate unperturbed hallways just to get a glimpse of the doors that lead to its chambers.

Castaneda touched on it, explaining that there is the Known, the Unknown, and the Unknowable. And you cannot connect to the Unknowable directly from the Known- you must proceed through the Unknown and depart from there. I tell you what, though; from personal experience, it is extremely strange~ =) It's like trying to row a boat through a forest, it requires unbending intent in the face of unquestionable scrutiny. Some men would give up their cause right then and their, because their will is weak and pliable. You must be like the reed in the wind~ fluidly flowing and responsive, but firmly footed and rooted.

...

Which is why I recommend acid, LSD, mushrooms, peyote, ayahuasca, or hell, even a righteous morning glory expedition. I am a firm believer in substance use. There is no such thing as substance abuse, only the abusive use of substance. If that makes any sense. Sounds like something J. Edgar Hoover woulda come up with, or some government bullshit to fight the war on drugs.

Well for the first time in a long time I find myself sitting in front of a computer for copious hours, stretching the extent of my intentions 'like butter over too much bread'.

The road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began~
Now, far ahead, the road has gone...
And I must follow... If I can....

Righteous undertakings me bruddah man. Riotcheous~ ooondertakin~

I'm packed and i'm holdin~

I'm so friggin beat... I don't know how to explain it. I got physical energy, I got mental energy, it's just... I'm at my wit's end, I guess. It feels like I'm climbing up the rope of life with my teeth lol. I feel tense, and anxious. Just uncomfortable. I wish I had some food, honestly lol. These cats I live with are makin food tonight but I wish I had something to snack on ya know. At least I could be doing something... All I got to look forward to is going back home and laying down, eating whatever these cats make and... guess I could read this little book I got.

Been DXM-free for two days now. Maybe that's why I feel this way.

It's all quiet in my head... got no motivating factors, no thoughts, no worries... just this gnawing feeling in my gut. That's my only input...

I feel like making sweet fuckin love to some tight-bodied bitch, to be honest. Peelin off her clothes and feastin on her juicy-jina hahah~ mmmm that shit sounds good...

Ahh well. Fuck it, fight it, it's all the same... I got peanut butter and jelly, and bread. Maybe I'll just make a sandwich and lay down, drink some soda and read.

Got I wanna pound some pussy... Mmmmm  these bitches don't know what they're fuckin missin, i tell you what...

Today is the most intense, excellent, awesome day of my life~!