In fire, seeking for the light~ *redux*

man

i've had like the worst night of my life.... I thought that my mind could construct some pretty clever shit but the tortuous inner-dialogue that I had with myself was quite posssibly THE absolute most insane I have ever been and/or felt in my life... thank God for inner silence, momma mia; I could not shut that shit off though, for like a tortuous eight hours...

sleep deprivation and/or dehydration are probably the two biggest actual biological causes of psychological 'illnesses' (unwanted/unhelpable deviations), when it boils down to it. The situations and conditions leading up to those two issues is varied and rich as hell, but in the end I think those are the two biggest avenues towards creating an unhealthy mental state.

And I guess malnutrition should be up there with dehydration... basically just major tips towards negative in the scales of imbalance ya know... And there's so many different ways that people of all different lifestyles and situations can end up there...

Basically if you gotta fucking run it sucks doing it in the dark, in the rain, with blistered feet on unsure ground.

But you only have one real choice sometimes. One direction... one path with heart, no matter where you are.

Time to Make Tracks

I've never felt so scrutinized in my entire life. I feel like every little friggin detail of my life is being held up to a magnifying glass... it's fuckin lame.... if this is the motion of the ocean i'm reachin for some gnarly potion cuz fuck that notion I know what's right is right and what's wrong is wrong :) gotta thank that old man for that one.. he'd probably shoot me if he knew i didn't remember his name he was a gnarly dude.... actuaclly that same guy is the reason i'm even typing on this awesome laptop.  God bless him man, he really delivered like my life-long partner or something, I love this friggin machine....

Ain't nothin much else goin on just the same shit different ass or vice versa.
much ado about nothin....

it was a priviledge playing on Mikes 360 and I really enjoyed it; I won't say nothin more.|

Man... shit's cray cray.

Much love..............

Fukk the moon

I swear, I gotta get in touch with my relatives on the east coast. Who knows how long it'll be before it's too late?!
There's so much other bullshit I could spend my money on, but that can always wait~

Family, that's what's important... Man. I gotta see some of these crazy cats, and see what they're up to!

If I work my ass off this semester, then next semester I can probly catch a plain out to New York, and catch up with all these weird uncles and aunts I haven't had the pleasure of really knowing!

Idk, that's just a far-out dream...

Like I could ever get so ahead on schoolwork and life that I could do that...

Still... God damn I'll shoot for those stars

Maybe I'm just used too much

as many as

No there weren't no points at all.

And I can't walk so I guess everyone's gonna kick my stubs, cuz these fierce little shits won't be happy til you're nubbing it through the dark, cold and even in your own endless pain there's still some little twitching creature with frigid hollow eyes shuddering, watching you like you're his last bastion of warmth. What hell do you expect me to send you to to save you from this land they call heaven?

Tryin to do my own damn thing and every fuckin other word I hear is how my next step or previous step has done some terrible deed, crushed someone's dreams, etc, meanwhile I'm like desperately slugging my way through these fuckin mindless corpses into a sanctuary of redeeming light .  No one wants to see anyone else succeed. Everyone is out for their own- it's disgusting. Sure help yourself first but damn if I got one dollar to my name and a bum just happens to ask me for something, I'll give God that deposit, no prob.

So Sad that the return is never really ... never gains interest. At least I have yet to see the fruits of such.  Still, as I propheted from the womb-wall of my former soul's poetry, I persist like a hidden wound, unkempt and uncared-for, like a family secret that lingers at every breath in a vacuous mansion.

Man, I don't even .... well Led Zeppelin's alright. It's nothing I'd come howling out of my grave over...

Seriously the lyrics are always about the saaaaame damn thing... I feel like listening to it would make me a pervert, but they have such good fuckin music! Why the FUCK do the lyrics have to always be the same old shit? Did they seriously just have nothing in that department? I guess it speaks about the fallibility of mankind in general- even Neji has a spot that he can't Byakugan, but he's so sharp he can count on that opening being used at times. 

this pointlessness, this depravity... this is what  we  ... and thus we stand at the widow's peak. the cornerstone.....

Is this new  .... is this this  enemy?  but what is enemy? We all make up our own minds about that.

Dont you find it weird that despite the human species coming together, there is no unifying force or voice? It's like we're experiencing the summer of woodstock but in a cognitive, digital realm...

King Cobra's Fantasy

words are like women- ya only get into em for a purpose.

Of Ants and Animals, Apes and Angels

I just had a strange realization; probably the same way we look through microscopes and see the struggles and rapidity with which organisms consume, occupy, reproduce, etc- i mean like watching cells interact in such a predefined, expectable manner or whatever- surely there exists creatures for whom we, also are such  seemingly mindless, self-driven, apathetic and animalistic creatures. Someone is looking through a microscope at all of us, the whole world, with a small interest perhaps, or just a passing curiosity.

That's why (and this is all personal from here) I don't think ... well when you squash an ant, just think, it might have been a being with that same realization, of the smallness of himself in comparison to the world that WE live in(the seeming Gods).

Garr something like that.

I would... well when I'm on walks in the mountains I always feel so happy when small insects recognize me, even for a little; I hope whatever is greater, out there, knows that I acknowledge them too.