Well I'm pretty freakin stoked man. I'm gonna join the military! IM JOINING THE MILITARY~!

HELL YEAH~

*pops open another Monster*

I really should keep it brief- I gotta do some ChaCha. Gotta support this MONSTER ADDICTION~!

Man I love this shit, it's good for ya and it makes me AMPED!

LOVE IT!

I'm just in a brilliant mood. I'm feeling real positive about my life and shit in general.

Bout damn time! Been miserable for how freakin long! Every valley has a mountain, every smoke has a fire, etc.

I gotta get to working, I'll blog more when I have creative stuff to say. My love goes out though, to the few readin~

Much love, may the science or religion or insanity or brilliance (or whatever it is) of the universe capture you and enslave you in its excellence~!

brief

Things are ok for right now.

That is all I can explain...

much love

Man things have been crazy.


I'm making it though, with a little help from my folks and friends.

Life's absolutely insane.... that's for freakin sure...

much love from this crazy cat~

~namaste

Can't fight against the youth...

Girlfriend's layin in bed, tryin to get me in the mood to get it on...

I swear sometimes I just wanna chill the fuck out. I just wanna lay the fuck down and not have to constantly acquiesce to people's bullshit.

She's such a fuckin pain in my ass it's not even funny... constantly belittling me and hitting me, getting into arguments purposely, at her parent's house cuz she knows no matter what, she can go across the hall and have her daddy yell at me, or she can raise her voice and have DADDY SAVE THE DAY.

I was so much happier when I was single... so fuckin much happier. If I had problems, it was with the world, and not with the person that's supposed to represent the love in my life. I can't deal with this shit! I know I'm not gonna back out but I'm gonna bitch like a motherfucker until shit changes. If shit changes. 

That's the way my pussy ass is I guess. I'll bitch and bitch about shit and when it doesn't get any better, I get even angrier.

I've been sober as fuck lately. It hasn't contributed to my mood, I will say that. 

She goes from 'I fucking hate you, i'm gonna kill you in your sleep, why dont u just go the fuck back to flagstaff' ----> 'i love you, oh ur my little ball of love, i love you baby please don't leave me'.

Like SHUT THE FUCK UP. Maybe if I'd rather play Morrowind than fuck you, it's because I enjoy one more than the other! 

On a side note- if you're a woman and you expect a man to go down on you any time soon, don't smoke cigarrettes. Have some fuckin consideration. That's like a guy having warts and askin u to suck him off, it just ain't fuckin right.

I kinda feel bad posting all this shit but you know what? If you can't let the whole world know about something then maybe you shouldn't be fuckin doing it.

The other day she was beating me in the grocery store cuz I refused to buy her alcohol, and I ended up having to walk home. The store manager asked me if I was ok, cuz some of the customers were worried, and I just told him I hope both our days get better lol. 

She's always hitting me, always putting me down, always doubting our relationship and always wondering why shit fucking SUCKS between us. Hmmm wonder fucking why.

I'm going to boot camp in about 40 days... I'm staying sober. No point even drinking alcohol, it just seems so pointless to me. Ultimately I'm gonna have to be sober, it's like why waste my time in fantasy land.

Man what a morose blog. Fuck it, fight it, it's all the same...

UPDATE UPDATE BEEP BEEEP

I sit here, on my throne of sexcellence, awaiting the movement of planets.

Alright it's nothing that epic.

Sakaia raised his blade, the heat from the metal forming vaporous fumes in the air before him. 

'Aye, this weapon'll do...' Light shining in from the scant half-closed window blinds his view for just a second as he makes his regular motions about the smithy. 

Never thought I'd be the one doing this sh-

FWAP FWAP FWAP

There was no mistaking the sound of the Colonel's switch upon the door. Sakaia looked over to his master- Gamgee, the Master Smith- for direction. His curly white tufts of beard did little to hide the snide sneer underneath. Sakaia could only grin and set his tools down. This was the moment they were waiting for.

~~~~

I don't know, I just felt like writing tonight I guess. It just came out of me ^^ 

I'm back in good graces with the military so I'm goin in on Tuesday to get signed in!

I can't wait... I really digg physical fitness and overall health, I can't wait to really push myself~! Man I'm so freakin stoked to finally be gettin in~!

Been doing pushups and situps and stretching....

Me and my girl may argue and get into some real heated fights, like shit that seems like it's the end of everything and all, but we're gonna pull on through~

Marcy Playground

I have to I have to I have to

I'm straight, no smoking, no drinking, no bullshit...

m^_^ m 

Don't Give Up On Me Baby~

I took the SATs, and I don't know if I did that great on them or not. I'll find out in a little bit...

My tax money was supposed to be deposited on my girl's debit card yesterday but since my name isn't on her account, it wasn't! So.... that sucks. Gotta wait til Monday to talk to someone from the IRS about it.

On Monday I'm gonna be going back down to MEPS to talk to the head honchos about my career in the military. I can't wait... Only positive thing I got going for me right now, it feels like... 

I have this feeling of an overreaching dread creeping with its fingers around me, choking me. I don't like it...

I need to get some sleep and just hope these bad vibes and thoughts go away... so much badness right now...

Castles Made of Sand...

I'm sittin in a hotel room in Indianapolis, and I haven't ever felt more alive.

My fingertips are jittery and my tongue is tumbling lol. I can't find the right words to say but I'm ready... Just what for, I don't know, but I do know I'm at my prime. This is my hour, baby~!

I'm gonna go down and have a helluva good meal, and then I'll probably play on the computer til I pass out. My roommate is on the phone, busy, and I'm just chilling out, wondering what to do...

I'm excited, but I got my composure... Just gotta take 'er easy.

Follow this tumbling tide through~

For the first time in a long ass time, I actually have dex but I don't feel like doing it. It just doesn't sound good... I'd rather be sober and alert, experiencing all this fully.

It's a good feeling I guess, I don't know. I'm hungry...


People might look down on me, see me as a junkie, or a druggie, but you know what? I've never lost that flame. I can be dowsed, sprayed, drowned, dunked, chopped, smashed, choked, but always that flame comes back. 


Maybe it ain't the flame that's stubborn, it's the flint and steel. Anyways... that's the thing about metaphors and analogies, they're only good for a surface reflection, any other semblance is remarkable. 


Hell, I'm gonna go and walk around, take some pictures and upload em for my lady. 


I love my girlfriend. I look at her and I just know, that's a face I'm gonna be seeing thirty, forty years from now, in another land, another time... she's beautiful, and I love her as much as I know how.


Thank God for pairing me up with her. I don't know what I did to deserve her but I'm gonna treat her right and nurture her like a flower~


Anyways ^_^| I feel awkward... but... A thing of beauty is a thing forever, right? This life might be a fleeting glimpse but this feeling of love that I'm coming to know is something that's familiar, it's been around a long time... it must be beautiful.


Shit this is so much girly-nice-words and shit, I can't stand it lol. I gotta go do something. They're good words though, so I'll keep em. 


Much love, to you and yours~

the blog's true purpose is revealed

Today I talked to the recruiter and it turns out I pretty much need my ID card and I'm set.

I can't wait to get some freakin MONEY!! Get a PAYCHECK!
HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE!
HAVE COOL SHIT!
HELL YEAH!
^_^

Tomorrow I have to tell the recruiter that I couldn't find my ID and I have to wait til Monday to go to MEPs. Another week.

I love my ma, she's helpin me out so much. And my dad too, he's really the one makin it possible. I'm so freakin lucky to have the parents I have, they're awesome mother @#$%ers and I love em to death. God bless em =)

They have a workout room at the recruiting station... can't wait to go over there and pump some iron~ hell yeah~

I'm feeling good, just kinda... occupied. Busy.

Like I said, can't wait to start this shit and get it in motion~! much love!

Enlistment

Tomorrow I meet up with my recruiter and see what's goin on with the National Guard.

My girl's been treating me like crap lately, I don't know if it's just me or if I should be doing better for myself or what... I feel like I'm giving, giving, giving, and it sucks because it's never enough. I have to go through with the National Guard... Money flow would turn the tables on everything in this relationship.

Even if things don't work out with me and her, I still want to go through with the National Guard. The military has always been straight-up with me. That's what I fucking want. Security. Not only job security, just a sense of belonging to a greater whole and contributing as well... hell yeah.

It's typical enlistee jargon but it's how I feel. I can't wait til tomorrow. Eleven-hundred hours, that's when I get to talk to the recruiter w00tw00t!

Meditation

Totally freakin drained right now.

I mean I feel really alive and healthy, it's just, my eyes are so tired... I just need to rest my brain...

Too much stimulation ya know. Gotta keep shit mellowed out. You can move forward with life but do it at a relaxed pace. It's all about your outlook, your mindset.

Meditation is the key to tuning your soul's instrument.

so my gf had a toothache...

I remember a lot of fucked up things from my childhood.

I did a lot of bad things to people, sometimes intentionally (knowing that it was wrong), sometimes in earnest innocence. That's the way the world works- sometimes something will happen to you just out of nowhere, by something that was just happening along, and other times it will be a crushing attack meant to hurt you by a hated enemy.

The most important thing we can do is quiet our minds. Once our minds are quieted, no hatred can exist.  No anxiety can exist. Only action, sentiment, and conclusion can exist. Anger, hatred, anxiety can exist for brief moments, but they will dissipate quickly and return to silence. Silence, which is always there.'

I am in love but that does not mean I have stopped looking for love. I will always keep my heart and eyes ears open the languid lustular lyrics to love's lullaby as it lulls me into lazy lax and levenity...

i think those words aren't even real but hellllll yeah