Can't fight against the youth...

Girlfriend's layin in bed, tryin to get me in the mood to get it on...

I swear sometimes I just wanna chill the fuck out. I just wanna lay the fuck down and not have to constantly acquiesce to people's bullshit.

She's such a fuckin pain in my ass it's not even funny... constantly belittling me and hitting me, getting into arguments purposely, at her parent's house cuz she knows no matter what, she can go across the hall and have her daddy yell at me, or she can raise her voice and have DADDY SAVE THE DAY.

I was so much happier when I was single... so fuckin much happier. If I had problems, it was with the world, and not with the person that's supposed to represent the love in my life. I can't deal with this shit! I know I'm not gonna back out but I'm gonna bitch like a motherfucker until shit changes. If shit changes. 

That's the way my pussy ass is I guess. I'll bitch and bitch about shit and when it doesn't get any better, I get even angrier.

I've been sober as fuck lately. It hasn't contributed to my mood, I will say that. 

She goes from 'I fucking hate you, i'm gonna kill you in your sleep, why dont u just go the fuck back to flagstaff' ----> 'i love you, oh ur my little ball of love, i love you baby please don't leave me'.

Like SHUT THE FUCK UP. Maybe if I'd rather play Morrowind than fuck you, it's because I enjoy one more than the other! 

On a side note- if you're a woman and you expect a man to go down on you any time soon, don't smoke cigarrettes. Have some fuckin consideration. That's like a guy having warts and askin u to suck him off, it just ain't fuckin right.

I kinda feel bad posting all this shit but you know what? If you can't let the whole world know about something then maybe you shouldn't be fuckin doing it.

The other day she was beating me in the grocery store cuz I refused to buy her alcohol, and I ended up having to walk home. The store manager asked me if I was ok, cuz some of the customers were worried, and I just told him I hope both our days get better lol. 

She's always hitting me, always putting me down, always doubting our relationship and always wondering why shit fucking SUCKS between us. Hmmm wonder fucking why.

I'm going to boot camp in about 40 days... I'm staying sober. No point even drinking alcohol, it just seems so pointless to me. Ultimately I'm gonna have to be sober, it's like why waste my time in fantasy land.

Man what a morose blog. Fuck it, fight it, it's all the same...