Second-hand my glory...

Whiskey and beer don't cut it anymore...

Only time drinking is any good is when I'm already trippin balls...

I'm fiendin hard today... only been up three hours but damn dawwwg... I'm bout to rob a biznitch to get my shit...

One thing I can say for good though is I've stopped THAT bullshit... it was killin my kharma and my conscience.  Plus I'm growin my hair and beard out and have been wearing the same damn clothes for weeks lol.  Kind of attracts a lot of attention...

One thing that's cool, as well, is all my homies workin at Safeway- when I pop in there it's tight, it's like being a regular at a bar.  I'm like a little damn celebrity in that bitch xD I'll pop two bottles and an energy drink on the register with one earphone in, and they're like 'oh shit there he is!' and i'm just mad grinning lol.  There are some cool cats workin there- if any of em invited me over or wanted to hang sometime I'd probly be down.

Sucks livin out here, away from my element in the suburbs of Tucson.  And I think what makes it worse, overall, is that... I don't have any money for another month... =/ I'm literally bleedin through the days and hours... it fuckin sucks.  Thank God my old lady has been helpin me out- shit was getting too heavy to perpetrate so I just came clean with my needs... of course because of that, my 'allowance' has decreased but, like not stealing, it's nice bein clean.

Which is why my ass will never be a congressman, despite the raging fire inside me that burns bright at the injustice of the working man.  I wish I was in a position to help all the broke niggas like me... some of the best people I've ever known were the poorest.

~~

Whew got my shit. Or at least, some of it. Fuck these cocknuggets- purposely not restockin the cheap, storebrand shit so they can make a 40% profit off me buyin the namebrand shit.

I'll take my damn business elsewhere... I might be a junkieass mothafucker but I'm predominantly jewish as fuck

Well not much else to say- I could type up the shit I wrote earlier, but I might as well just scan it and upload it... just a couple pages about perception and reality and my usual bs

Angels Dance and Angels Die

Lately (last fuckin, how many years now) I haven't had the urge to do anything creative... like, none at all...

It's been a slow decline since I don't remember when... now, I have no inclination at all, ever...

I might get really fuckin drunk and go out on the back porch and write maybe one poem, or a little stint of a short story or somethin, but after that brief excursion I'm spent; it will be weeks, sometimes, before I have any inclination to do anything like it. Even working on my video game I keep braggin about every chance I get- I never fuckin work on it. I think up tons of ideas, but never put any hours in.

There's only one exception- when I'm trippin mad balls.  That's the only time I'm outgoing, satisfied, and igniting with euphoria enough to dive into whatever I'm doing...

I feel like trippin and drinkin just destroys any sense of momentum or enthusiasm I have when I'm sober, so all I can do is be miserable without my high... and yet when I'm high and I HAVE all this momentum and enthusiasm, later on when I'm comin down I just shake my head at what I've done or produced...

I feel like I'm becoming or have become what I've hated and feared most of all- the person who sold his soul to the devil, for power and happiness.

What confuses/irritates me the most about it is, I don't want to change. Despite these feelings of being on the wrong track, of making the 'wrong' choice, I don't want to be straight. I look forward to that next trip more than anything, and the thought that someday I'll have enough money and resources to sustain that perpetual bliss is more than I could ever hope for... I don't care if I die tomorrow or live forever- as long as it's with my shit~!

I was told all my life, but subtly and overtly, that this way is wrong. But it's what makes me happy, and you know what? I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.

If I die at 27 because of it, then I hope I'm high the whole time.