sanctity vs sanity

I might sing lyrics wrong at first... but eventually I get them right. And when I pass that point I realize I shouldn't feel bad- at least I'm singing.

Been playin bass again... pretty cool. Digg my acoustic/electric... too bad I can only hook it up during the day... but that's why I got the acoustic/electric; I can bring that crap downtown without the amp and still make some dough if I have to.

I can't wait for next semester... hell I can't wait for today. I've been doing pretty good lately... I mean I'll be relieved once my roommate actually pulls through and pays his share of the rent like we agreed... I loaned him some dough recently and he's racked up quite the bill lol. He'll probably try and cajole me into getting off easy, like every one I loan money to. Hell I guess I shouldn't bitch, I'm guilty of the same damn shit.

Still, I really need the little money I have left. I don't know if financial aid is going to arrive in time for the turn of the month. They always pull that 3-5 business days bullshit. Like, as if you're not already disservicing me by saying it's going to arrive one day then give a 3-5 day 'grace' period- you have to spread my cheeks as you're assfucking me and pull this 'business days' bullshit and ram me even harder lol. But you know Chuck- patience of a Lionheart.

My vision's gotten way worse over the years... that's for sure. Shit I have to squint for nowadays, I have to lean in to see tomorrow. Shit I saw clear yesterday I gotta squint for today...

And damn, I really gotta start workin my abs again. This shit was excusable back in Winter, when I could say it was for warmth, but dude... yeah I am not going to Laguna friggin beach anytime soon man.

Man I started thinking about my 'friends' I used to have back in Flag... man what a bunch of freakin users man.  I bet if I didn't have my apartment after highschool, none of them tards would have even hung out with me.  They used me for my knowledge and they used me for my drugs and money... I don't know, I just don't think I'll ever think anything positive about any of them fuckers for the rest of my life. I don't care if one of them wins the nobel fuckin peace prize, I'll still be hopin they trip off the podium, fuckin assholes.

Last night I raised my grades in one of my classes from a 50 to an 80 percent lol. Friggin awesome...

And hell, I didn't even barely touch this friggin French Vodka... why'd it have to be the French vodka on sale... come on, gimme some of that polish, or irish whiskey...

My friend Eris says he's a scotch man... I say have a cup of piss, why don't ya. Shit! Who could drink that shit and call it 'their drink'. That's like saying 'I prefer Canadian blended whiskey, my good sir'.

Shit! I'll have a Samuel Adams so I can give it to someone else. lol. And who the fuck drinks IPA, or any pale ale? You've gotta be pale as fuck drunk to tolerate that nasty crap. I suppose some guys are the self-victimizing types though, a real bleedin heart emo fag or somethin... No wonder Dylan liked that shit.

man fuck them.

damn I haven't had pussy in so long my balls hurt just thinkin about that shit. I wanna slap the last few bitches I slept with just for makin me miss their sorry asses for somethin. friggin librarian, smarmy cunt... great tits though... shit, great lotsa stuff... heh. Then there was that mormon chick who thinks I impregnated her. Shit! You wish I came in ur ass! I will take that shit to Springer, nah, Maury, motha @#$@.

Then there was this one guy I almost fucked, but he was so full of himself he wouldn't give me the pleasure lol. He couldn't handle my ass anyways... I swear some 'straight' guys are so friggin dense man. I can see why some chicks hate guys. Course I say that but I'm probably one of em.

Garr this calls for a bowl and a... banana... lol. Yeah, I got bananas... doubt I'm really gonna get one though. My roommate sleeps right in the way of the doorway out to the front door and the kitchen. Yeah it's a weird setup... it's actually a partitioned section of a huge house we all are renting out of. It's pretty nuts but I bet the guy up top is making some cozy cash... cozy enough to only have to charge us 400 for rent and utilities.  My roommate owes me like 150, 180 bucks at least lol so by the time next month rolls around I won't have to pay anything...

He might be pulling some sheisty shit though, and saying he's leaving on the fifteenth but really leaving on the first or something. Hmm... Who knows. That's why I'll probably never rent out or room with strangers after this... God, at least if I can help it.

It'll be nice, having my own place man. Oh yeah shit! I never hit that bizzurp.

Can't wait to have my own place again... 400 a month... but I'm getting like five and a half grand... Supposed to last me til January though... that's starting on the eighth month... five months. That's only 2 grand for rent and utilities. 3500 pocket... 300 a month for food... 1500, leavin 2 grand again for whatever... damn i'm dumb, i'm like totally spacing tuition and... well hell actually I think that 5500 was AFTER tuition lol. Either case, I'll have enough. I'll have to log in and see later... or hell I could do it quick.

;_; good thing I checked.

Guess it's gonna be tighter this Winter than I thought... lol I can't believe I'm saying that considering I'm bitching about 'only having a thousand extra dollars' but you know what the ace up my sleeve is? I'm doing this all with subsidized loans or awards- no unsubsidized loans. So when I graduate I won't have all this interest piled up on me. It'll be a little rough, ya know, and most likely I'll probably end up either a)being homeless a month or two out of these five months just so I can have some leisure/spending money; or, more likely considering I'm not an idiot anymore and realize how much being homeless SUCKS, b)I'll find a roommate, or if anything, the occasional tweaker/drunk to crash at my pad for a month or two to line my pockets a little more.

It sucks, I had this thing going with this awesome girl, Mary, but shit fell apart due to my erratic and unforgiving lifestyle. I ended up losing base with her in the whirlwind of shit that was going on and I guess she was so offended she decided I wasn't worth it... =/ It's really a bummer cuz I was planning on her coming out and living with me once I had the place to myself- and at the time it seemed unrealistic and just another of Charles' dex dreams but lmao guess even a deadbeat like me can make a dream come true in today's day and age... just like all my other friends, they all lost faith in me. No one held in there with me throughout the hardships... hell even my fuckin family forsook me, even my angel saint of a mother lost faith in me for a while. I mean there was always my dad but that's probably just 'cuz we're so distant, I don't know what he's feeling most of the time. I won't ever be like that with my kids... I don't care how bad shit comes between me and my kids, I'll never lose base with them the way my family has lost base with me.

Maybe I'm just an asshole. I'd rather hate them freely than deal with the burden of their love. All I know is, it doesn't feel right, just like it doesn't feel right about my old friends from Flag, or the way Mike helped me out, or any of it... it's like every silver lining really has a touch of grey...

It's gonna be an excellent day... I've already decided- no if's and's or but's abooot it! garrrrrr! I love me some good liquor... Some take delight in fishin and bowlin, other's take delight in the courage of rowin; I take delight in the juice of the barley~ courtin pretty women in the marnin' so early~

^_^m excellence doth abide my people... excellence doth abide... I can't wait for Sunday. That's my math day... I'm gonna start from the beginning and take as many notes as I can... I'm gonna get a 90+% on that final or me left finger be inspectin yer prostate... lol left finger...

man life would be different if people had tentacles...

whoaah mikanu kurebay! lol! fuuuuuuck i feel fanTASTIC! oh meine gute~

lol man... I can't believe i asked my girlfriends to suck me off while I was chuggin dex... but fuck yeah did that shit feel awesome... ya know i think the sexiest thing about it wasn't even the act itself, it was the fact that they were willing to verily make fools of themselves if it meant my pleasure... man that's putting it in the worst light... i mean honestly it won my respect like madly ya know... God there's nothing like getting head from someone who loves and respects you... like when they REALLY want to make you happy, ya know... it fuckin rocks... Like when your eyes meet right after you cum and they swallow it all and cutely glance up at you, passionately, with the biggest most content grin... God... that's when you're like 'I will do ANYTHING for this girl, good fuckin God...'

Yeah, and you DO do anything for that girl lol. Join the fuckin military, walk out that door and swear to yourself you will not return until you get another fuckin job, eat that bitch's poontang til the river runs dry~ I mean, shit... I miss me my bitches, that's for sure. Cuz BITCHES they is, for what they done to me! mmmhmmm tell em Shaniqua.


wrote this shit earlier, figured I'd hide it at the bottom:

Honestly, this is gonna sound pretty bad but I'm bein honest here...

Whenever I ingest DXM I feel like I should be proud- others doubt me, others don't dare have the balls to do what the hell I'm doin... others laugh and mock me, still like a festering wound I persist and consume with rotten, bestial enthusiasm...

I drink at LEAST two 3oz containers a day... I only underestimate so much because I gotta count for the days I crash or find myself unable to procure any, which occurs like 1/10 days, being generous.

85mls per container*6 (ratio of DXM/ml) = >510mgs in each 3oz (89ml container).
At least 2 containers a day= 1020mgs

But most days I get like 3.5 85ml container's worth, or two 5oz containers. And on occasions I'll get three big 5ozers, but I (usually) space it out over the day so it's not so concentrated... yeah that's when the crazy shit goes down... life directions are changed... lol some dumb shit as well.

Then again, tbh my tolerance must be so high at this point, and from the get-go I never really agree with my supplier's supposed ratio of 6mgs/ml. Shit, more like 4 at best. Then again the dex I ingests' method of delivery, chemical-wise, is proportedly significantly different than the typical Hbr sizzurp. I'm trying to speak through a veil here because... well we all know the power of the net. I mean even the government's caught on, fuck- you know that shit's been goin on for a while if our lawmakers catch on to it.