excellence

Before I begin, I'd like to say that I know most of my pageviews are coming from the UK.

So. I used to blog a lot... after getting into a relationship it kind of simmered down.

Well, I'm single again.

Thank God...

I can deal deal with pretty much anything in a relationship. There's only two things you can go wrong with in my book- lying, and violence. So far my past two girlfriends have been the mortal embodiments of said attributes...

Man my vocabulary has really gone to shit.

There's a lot of shit I should update on before I delve into that steaming mass of liquid-escent shit, however.

...Been going to rehab... err, rather, I should be. I coulda just taken these damn 3x-a-week classes that are like two hours each. But, being the little shit I am, I botched that up and now my only option is to go to this month-long inpatient rehab in October.

Aye... I don't know... things are getting to that point where it's like, I honestly don't give a shit anymore...

Well that's like how I feel half+ the time.  Sometimes I'm hopeful... hell sometimes I'm extremely earnest in my endeavours to farther my miserable life.

Man my vocabulary sucks ass... I've been so sleep deprived... my buddy's place is like infested with bed bugs. Not to mention all the friggin drama keeping me up all night.

~~

God. Well, all I can say about this chick/ dude is that... I really gave it my best shot. I always do (yet somehow, 'I ain't often right but I ain't never been wrong/ just seldom turns out the way it does in a song'

...but once in a while, we get shown the light (in the strangest of places- if we look at it right)~

^_^ I don't know. I'm just glad to be out of the relationship. It was always a precariously-perched pebble on a waiting avalanche of boulders.

...Besides. Bitch called the cops on me like three times for shit I ain't done.

*cough cough* but that's neither here nor there. It takes too much energy to be negative like that... I don't know what I'm gonna do today. I'm freaking broke and I'm gonna have to eat sometime. I was counting on him/her to help me out with some money on friday, but it would be haphazard to assume s/he would do so, now.

~~

I got a job at the Dollar Tree down the street. Thank friggin God. It's great- real easy, linear, repetitive work that keeps me moving and thinking (without making me feel like a zombie!).

Aaaaaaand CCC wouldn't let me take classes this Fall because they demanded $600 upfront before I could get financial aid. Plus I gotta pay $450 in bogus court fees (this time for something I ACTUALLY didn't do~ lmao boy who cried wolf- story of my life).

~~~

All I'm saying is this- I tried my best to be honest with this individual. I understand that a relationship can work whether you are honest or dishonest. But from my own experience with life in general, it takes a greater amount of energy/ dedication to maintain a web of lies and shit. And I don't have time for that shit. Even trying to live as honestly as possible, being as true to my feelings and heart as I can, I still get barely through the day ya know.

Well I always thought this person was seeing her ex. After all, she proportedly left him for me (*snort* sorry, I just have hard time trusting traitors, no matter how much they swear newfound allegiance. Fact remains, they were capable of mutiny in the first place if you catch my drift...) anyways, I knew it was bullshit. I can't even explain why, it's just... when you're with someone for a good half of the day for months on end, it's like you can grasp their flow~ and there was some other massive form of input that s/he had in her life that s/he would always deny, and/or beat around the bush when I asked about it. I figured either s/he was having an affair, was supporting some secret drug addiction, or some other shady shit was going down.

I was right on all counts, as it was.

~~~

I don't know... my whole life I've wanted a relationship. But honestly my concern has shifted *slightly(?)* from my own personal journey/experience  life, to that of mankind in general.

Often, I ask myself what it is I'm contributing to society. Is it my asynchronous worldview? My radical (though delineated and entirely rational) views on culture, and the world in general..?

I don't wanna be one of those cats chilling on his front porch all day, praying my Social Security and/or Welfare check makes it on time, as my life slowly seeps away into the cosmic vagina, ya know... I don't think I have anything to offer, other than my intentions alone. But I find that there is no greater source of strength in life than that which we gain from momentum accrued through thoughtless, pure intent.

Err something like that. God, I got like two hours of sleep the past few nights. Cool thing is, I rolled on a certain forum thread to see what movie (out of a list of a hundred) I would watch. And I got this weird one I never heard of called The Prestige.

Turned out it had a lot to do with Nichola Tesla~ ^_^ friggin awesome. The more I hear about that cat the more mad respect I have for him. Copernicus and Tesla are probably my two favorite scientists... though admittedly my knowledge of scientists is limited at best. Probably a close third would be Marie Curie(sp?). Relentless, irrational pursuit of knowledge (especially in the face of skepticism) is, to me... beautiful.

~~~

...alright I got no time on the computer left.

I'll leave with one of my usual Hendrix quotes I guess lol~ much love yo~

'... and they also said 'it's impossible!'
''...for a man to live and breathe underwater~'
'(forever was a... main complaint...~)'