THE MAGIC CANDLE

Another day in paradise~

I have my goals set out before me... and I am at a loss. Hmm reminds me of a poem~

On the streets where people make their business
I am at an eager loss.
I cannot be what I feel most freely
Without meeting face with backward toss.

When I am here, upon the mountain,
Away from all the nasty looks,
I can run free, laugh like a child,
Or be the hero in the books.

Is it right, to be alone-
Away from what I was brought up knowing?
What brings me back down to the city
To stop this feel-good dream from growing?

I love it so much, here, today;
I am at such peace...
What more could I, should I, say?
What greater mood could I release..?
Would that I could enervate myself wholly from the rendition of those words... perhaps such is attainable. Discipline- the application of hope through trial- through this, all is possible. Some call it Will, some call it Skill.

I dropped out of rehab. I have way too many fines to pay. I can't be holed up like the world ain't spinning around me... God I just wanna pay off these damn fines. And go to school...

Ahh yes, thus the subject of my prior indecision, al beit, my derision~

So I found out my lil sis is also taking Accounting. I say also cause I talked about doing this shit like waaaaaay... well... like half a year ago lol. The idea was in my mind the year before that but was like a valence electron, on the perimeter and often lost in transit and patriotism.

I wonder. Should I pursue English as a major? Doesn't sound too promising, financially. However it's something I could study and learn more of day after day and just feel that much better. Should I go into Computer Sciences (not as a major- fuck that theory bullgus). Its practical side- software programming, cubicle jobs, projects and lines of codes..? I could spend forever hunched at a computer learning that shit, I feel. I could zombify and do that shit all day, no sweat... and probably be pretty sound and innovative at it in the mean time.

I had thought about accounting, as well, and although I have a fondness for numbers and logic (I don't think I could be bored being a math/geometry/physics teacher) I see it more of a curiosity than even writing. Writing is closer to me than numbers... I can't profess proficiency in either, but... I don't know if I appreciate the business aspects of accounting. Math might be a good foundation for a later degree, but accounting, with its social and business implications, just seems like a sketch field. Might as well be a butcher or a tailor... or a gem cutter...

GOD I WANNA PLAY THE MAGIC CANDLE! They need to make that shit for Android. Fuck me, that would be amazing.

Well I was supposed to do shit with my time online but this is all I did. Now the library is about to close, and I don't know what I've accomplished. I gotta work, spinning this damn sign outside a mattress store across town, tomorrow.  Gotta make that money, honey~

~much love