Whenever Sang My Songs...

I don't have enough time in the day, enough energy really.

I... have so much I want to do... so many dreams, but... I put so many of them off, waiting for the right moment or telling myself various reasons...

RPG Maker VX: Ace, for instance; I have it on my computer finally, and before I had a computer I'd always tell myself if I had access to it, I'd be working on it all the time.  But now that it's right here in front of me, I find myself playing emulated games or watching Bleach... but it's not like it's not moving in the same direction- I'm constantly speculating on what I perceive and experience, pondering ways to incorporate it all into my games, or my next story... or ways I would have done things better, or differently.

Guess I tell myself, "follow your gut/heart and don't worry; someday you'll use all this knowledge to write the ultimate novel, or make the ultimate game".

But I can't help recall the tune... 'Someday Never Comes'....

I'm not like those cats that get an instrument, play a while and jump into a band, and dream of breaking the stars... I jam every now and then, when it feels right... I write every now and then, when it feels right... I work on my game every now and then, when it feels right...

I don't plan on living forever- but I don't plan on going against what feels right to me.  Some would call it laziness- I would say you simply don't need to work as hard if you're going with the flow. It allows you time to truly appreciate and focus on other things... of course there's a myriad of rebuttals to these sentiments but there's a myriad of rebuttals to any statement... what matters is how you use what you have, to get you where you want/need to go.  Finding out you were wrong all along doesn't matter if you're looking back on that thorny path from your villa on the beach ya know.

Yeah I've changed a lot... It's a pity- I think I lost all my old Myspace blogs. They stretched back many years... but they contained some seriously intense material that would bite me in the ass hardcore down the road... stuff I've since resolved but others could utilize as a weapon against me, should my opponents be so unforgiving.

I try not to be cold or dispassionate, for I would not like others to be that way, myself.  But sometimes you can multiply by one as many times as you want and you still won't get the same number. Strange, but alas, this universe was here before us and will be here when we escape this form... Who knows, we could all have just been actors in some strange cosmic play enjoyed by timeless beings beyond our comprehension, outside of this stream of time.  The possibilities are limitless... this is our greatest advantage yet our greatest weakness...

So strange, that one should strive for reason in a world that consistently defies explanation; that one should scramble for land 'midst a ceaselessly-rising ocean... that one should hope for dreams, and dream of love, thoughts on the above as we take truth's hand in senselessness' glove. 

Hmm I should read some more poetry- pretty bad when you can pretty much only quote yourself xD