So if you wanna find hell with me...

Only another two months until the next semester... heck I don't even think it's that long.

I just hope this professor grades my final from Spring semester soon... God I really played this hand bad.

Things are... well the usual here in Charlie land... Nothin wrong, nothin right, and still I sit and lie awake all night...

I've been doing some writing in my new notebook; wrote like five pages in a new story that actually felt pretty good. 

It just feels like nothin is changin... nothing.

I've been to rock bottom, been on cloud nine, been everywhere in between... and still nothin's different. 

Hope is all I cling to... hell not even hope. Just the momentum of my clinging, really.  I guess you could paint it as something like this- imagine you are sailing a boat on an endless ocean... nights and days pass, and you get food from the ocean when you need it, sometimes easier sometimes harder... But despite being able to keep yourself alive, and keep your boat afloat (though the storms do test it, aye as much as the still days of crushing placidity), despite your seemingly fool's luck in this, you lack something... some purpose... some point to call your destination...

You think it would be easier to just let it all go... but some stubborn remnant inside you refuses to give up the ghost.  Some stubborn, tortuous, thorn in your soul refuses to let you bleed it all out...

Hell if you wanna take it a step farther, you can even say that you do find islands- you find whole civilizations, where you dock and live for centuries amongst the people... but something (perhaps that same stubborn thorn) always calls you back to the ocean, back to the waves... in search of the next place that might feel like home...

And so what keeps you alive, keeps you moving, is what pains you most of all...


You might think I'm referring to my... chemical crutch... but that is but a mere manifestation, a ripple, of the real issue, the real wave...

Logic- reason, thought, etc- that's the true thorn that bleeds me, pushing me incessantly... ruthlessly but with a caring smile as if it's for my own good...

As long as we have the known we will always have the unknown.  There is an inherent fallacy to logic, much like Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle seeks to grasp...

lol I love that guy's argument, because even Einstein tried to defy it and couldn't...

And all it says is 'nothing can ever be known for certain'.  And all these freakin geniuses COULDNT disprove it. 

And this is supposed to be a fundamental principal of quantum mechanics..?

That, I can digg- it's a bit nihilistic but it's the truth.