Spongebob Barker... err Saget

I feel terrible, but I feel amazing...

God, the pain of having a brain... why can we not just experience the world as vivid emotions- why must we speculate, ponder, learn and reason? The weight of it all is so painful... How I envy those that can live life earnestly and yet are still able to look back every now and then and realize 'wow, I was just flowing along without a thought or worry'. Do such people exist? Do I envy an impossible idealization?

I've always had my sights set high... all or nothing, or as my dad says, 'go big or go home'.  But it's painful to everyone close to you, when you expect so much from them... And how can you be anything more than a hypocrite for doing so? How can you call others out on their weakness- aye, the inherently fallible, imperfect nature of the human soul, itself?

In the end (I like saying that, it's got a great sumnating vibe to it), well, in the end I think the only thing that can be said to exist without contradiction is the moment, itself... what a trip, my laptop monitor just flickered when I wrote that...

Can a concept be immaculate? Can there exist true impeccability? Or is that 'shooting too high'...

I used to admire this drawing, or painting... idk, it was something that was painted on the wall or muralized at this school I went to as a kid.  It wasn't even a prominent thing, nor was it in a conspicuous place... but it was really bold...

Of course throughout the years I've seen it repeated in other places, to the point that it's almost lost it's magic to me... but I can't forget it- I think our class had to walk by it on the way to some place in the school every now and then...

"Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars."

And there was this great elementary picture, like something a kid would paint... but anyways... I feel like I was the only one in our whole line that even saw it, much less gave it any thought... and no joke, I remember thinking to myself 'aren't the stars more awesome than the moon?'

I still think that to this day... a lot of cats shoot for something and it's big and colossal and heavy and everyone's got to look at it, but it's not brilliant... it's not for me. That's not my gig, man lol. It's frickin pale and ugly and plain, and just cuz it's big doesn't change the fact that all it does is reflect other lights' brilliance! Screw that shit- I'd be HONORED to be a star!

Heh, weird how these memories just come out of me, like a sponge bein squeezed or somethin... wonder what the hell I'm soakin up, now, then.