Tis foolishness...

So today... I don't know what it is about today, man... I just feel this intense prolonged anguish, this deep unease... some kind of uncertainty... like something's slipping away from me...

I honestly feel pretty depressed today. I feel like there's no way this college thing is gonna work out for me... I feel like I'm gonna end up going to prison and dying in some stupid ass way...

I wish I could go back and... well I don't know. I guess there's no point in feeling that way...

It just feels like... no matter how much I try, things aren't getting any better. Life doesn't ever really get any better... life changes, and certain things that were bad before may no longer be bad, but in its stead, a new bad replaces it. And it's not just that, either. It's like that for every thing in life... nothing changes... even when shit changes, it's never really new. It's just different shades of the same grey... same shit, different ass, sotospeak.

I want to believe that things will get 'better'... I know they will... but they will also get worse again, too. And it's just foolishness to be so naive as to believe it's not that way, or that it could be different... I've ran my head into the same wall about five million times now- it'd be stupid to think it would be any different.

Maybe a part of me is dying... or maybe this acceptance is just a part of 'growing up'. It's not like I don't care, or that I care any less... It just feels so futile.