Verbatum... Ultimatum... (heavy stuff)

I haven't blogged recently, but my soul yearns for some release...

Man. It sucks... My roommate is still here... I keep telling myself things will be better when he's gone but I think I really just need to improve shit NOW. 

I need to do like I learned in rehab, and make some freakin goals lol. God that sounds terrible but the practical applications of efficient shit like that are really what makes life better. No matter where you learn it from.

So.... goals for this semester... well first I should put my foremost goal-
To obtain this degree in Video Game Design.

There's only one thing hanging over my head, and it's this as-of-yet unresolved phantom of my past that lurks, waiting with bated breath, for the slightest opening... it's from back before I had my shit relatively together...

I've been contemplating if I should invest in maybe a group again, not necessarily for substance abuse but for possibly depression/anxiety. I really really really digg everything that The Guidance Center in Flagstaff offered me and helped me with- they didn't pull me from the darkness, but they gave me the flint and tinder needed to make my own light, ya know? That's fuckin true righteousness, right there man ^_^

Alas I didn't take care of the formalities the court required, although I went above and beyond their expectations. Dammit, I should have never left it in someone else's hands- I should have personally ensured that the required documentation was processed... now I'm lookin at the axe just because of that... and what's sadly ironic is that I have done more than just turn my life around- I've already taken massive steps in this new direction... garrr... I wish I could just request a personal conference with a judge or something, and talk to him in earnest about my situation, and what I can do to right the wrongs of my past... I mean I already know in my heart that once I get any sort of appreciable income, I'll make damn sure that those that helped me rise from this mess are payed back in full... I actually always thought it would be cool if I could, like, train secret shoppers or something... take what I learned and use it for the greater good.  I've always wanted to work for the government, but... I really just want to improve the standards of our government and society. If I can influence people, through video games, to be aware of things that will enlighten them as to that path's brilliance, then hell yeah~

On the negative, you could say I intend to brainwash the masses via video games, to my own agenda. On the positive, you could say I intend to sharpen the edge of those blades already set to slice through the darkness of this world.

*sigh* I can't believe it's this hard, just to get a decent income and raise a family....

Well, hell, wasn't I like, talking about goals, to begin with..? sodena...

~~

So, my goals this semester are to get As in all my classes, and clear my legal status.

God, you cannot imagine the heaviness of that weight bearing over me... I suppose I should be grateful- it's good training for later in life, when there will be other, more painful things bearing down on me. Sort of like how my stepmom 'trained' me to deal with people of malicious, evil intent.

~~~

Amidst this darkness, though, I confess... a light has shined, err, shone. Weird friggin word...

But hark-! my nigga ass came up with some poetry today! chyeah!

And for reals, for the first time in a while I can say I actually dugg it lol.

Alas, it is in my locker... heh. Ahh well.

Well, off to do some shit! Just thinking about making goals and stuff made me aware of a couple things I can do right now... like order a debit card, and check on my clan on Samurai of Legend... yes those links on my blog are righteous- one need only click on them to sign up (with me as the referrer) and they will play the best Samurai-themed text-based MMORPG ever constructed!

ROCK ON!