I pray thou overlook such panderings...

One thing I can say for sure that's good about all I've been through in my life, is that I've learned to see things more as changes instead of better or worse...

What is good, what is bad- these are temporary things. Things that are affected and largely determined by the social environment one is immersed in/affected by at the time.

Well, one could say 'but my sense of right or wrong does not come from others- it's something I feel inside'. ' I know what's good and bad without anyone telling me so'.

It is true we are seemingly born with a natural sense of justice... though this could just be the result of VERY early impingements on our fragile, virgin minds as children.  Impingements, or rather, impressions.  We learn from what we see around us, what we perceive... So who can know for certain whether our seemingly innate sense of right and wrong is truly born into us, or if it predates our earliest recollections.

Technically you could make an experiment, having a kid grow up on some island with all that it would ever need supplied to it in some way... but even that would carry with it its own impingements, its own heaviness.

Science is pretty full of itself, sometimes. That's why I scoff at it so- how can you truly believe you ever have a 'controlled environment'? Standards and practices- these are all ultimately fallible, in light of some greater progress yet to come. 'Progress' itself is as personal a notion as one's fashion sense.  Court of laws, court of... how vain is man that he could consider himself capable of judging another?

The court of the cosmos is the only true court- that which is as intangible as it is concrete...

You could say my elucidations bring me no power, no comfort, no extra edge... it gives me no advantage, so why persist?

It could be for that very reason...

For naught can be gained without a loss.

To me, it has always been the greatest expression of affection, of love, to give all with no benefit to oneself. No expected benefit at least.  In this sense, my knowledge, my musings is of impeccable affection- for it gives ceaselessly without taking, or booning, me in the slightest...

As pointless as it is purposeful... A true balance...

Yet I'm a fool and I have faith. For is that not what faith is- the continued belief, love, reaching for something no matter what?

~

And cold though this logic may be, such equal in warmth there is in my emotion... so much so

These two extremes... held together by some force... maybe my spirit is the walls that contain these two bursting-outward forces...

Aye, I'm a fool man... I dream all day of love... of finally... of girls that are so closed I don't even know if they can feel love at all, finally letting me hold them, trusting in something as intangible and uncertain as an emotion...I dream all day of being blessed with good fortune, and when others, my friends, the girl's i've always dreamed of finally coming to me.

Maybe they are bastards who only want a man with money? Or perhaps they are so cold that they would keep their heart in check, waiting for an opportune time to raise a family..? How can one be so cold? How can women be so disgustingly cold and yet claim such hold over the realm of affection? Aye, hold they have over it, but that is not true emotion. True emotion stirs you to move whether you like it or not, whether it be the wise choice or not. Control be the absence of emotion- women have always seemed to me, such dark creatures, to be able to cut off their own feelings to do 'what they believe is the logical choice'.'

Hah! Yeah obviously I have some bitter wounds when it comes to love. Romeo and Juliet had the right of it, up until Shakespear was a little bitch and made them kill themselves.  What a winning tale it would have been, if their love had united their houses... then again, I suppose every tale must be told, at some point. And I'm sure countless tales of such as I have endeared, have also been construed.

I don't know if I could respect a woman who would only approach me after I obtained some small measure of income, however.  What speaks that of your 'love'?! That is no true love- true love is loving to snuggle in the cold rain, under a bush, when you have a house right up the street- but you want their company so much, that you'd rather be there with them than back at your house where your lover is not allowed.  That to me is true love, not waiting until my ass gets some money and a career and proves to everyone that he isn't some worthless scumbag.

No- if you e'er expect my god-damned love, then love me now, when I have all doubts against me, when darkness shines brighter than light!

There are already a handful of gals that have met that prerequisite... but there are... there is one that I wish would.  For I could not see her love as true were it to come after my rise from this valley.

Aye I'm a bitter soul. Though, I cannot blame them... do I not do the same..? I have them there, before me... perhaps they hope as much as I do, perhaps they are as bitter as I am, that I do not 'do this' extra step, or that my love for them is not strong enough that I cannot 'do this'....
Hypocrisy is a great source of balance, if you are optimistic ^,~m

I don't ask for much.... I just want you to tell me you love me... before I get up this mountain... past this valley... I just want to hear it once...

I won't do anything; I won't change anything..... it won't do anything or change anything... but it will mean so much to me.

Otherwise... well... third's a charm, I guess... I already had one bitch who never returned my love, though I (still) endlessly disperse it to her... and yes I can use such cold terminology, because the strength she still saps from me is more than compensate for any mere dictum I can ascribe her tortuous neglect.

Maybe this fiery, yet frozen, love, is the second, and the third shall come and break the damn wall between me and true, reciprocated love.

~~

Despite it all, I shall persist in mine endeavors.

Perhaps that is the way it works in this world-one advances in one regard, and the other, seeking to compensate/catch up, shoots forward and past the other, and thus the cycle continues...

Yeah, weird logic it be.

I know but this, though- Love can create greater together than any single man can hope, endeavour. And not only that, but it bringeth the ultimate satisfaction, greater than any reward, victory, or drug's impaction~

...i hope she loves me... i hope it so...

I hope... but pattern foretell 'no'...