little piece of fuckin sunshine god dammit

feelin bummed...

should feel pretty good... got everything lined up for me short of having enough friggin money to last me til my next disbursement.... it's always fuckin something.



I drink beer, and I don't get buzzed... drink whiskey and I don't get drunk...

even my 'miracle medicine' can't touch me like it used to.

Feels like nothing touches me like it used to.

Not that I aint partial to feeling things differently either, just some shit was good in the past.  Old devices ain't doin their magic though, that's what's up... i guess...

Just wish there was some change in my life. Feel like I see where this path came from and where it's going and yaaaay I should be happy because I have a steady sail ahead of me if I keep my head straight, but whoopdy fuckin do. The fuck is the point of life if all you do is go from point a to b.

Just wish I had something new goin on, somethin like a shootin star to hit this still dark night.  A new love, a new passion... or even a rekindling of an old fire... just anything...

'go out and make it happen, Chuck' 'yeah be a good ol' boy and leave it to beaver or some shit'

ahh fuck yourselves. the fuck do old people get the right tellin us what to do when they're the ones left us this fuckin hellhole to fix up after em. hell i'd be happy too if i was on the ass-end of my years- thank God i'm leavin the fuckin place, is what I'd think. fuckin hypocrites.

fuckin easy to tell everyone to have a good night when ur on ur way out the door, all i'm sayin.

well i've been goin out the door my whole fuckin life and their ain't shit out here and there sure as hell ain't shit in there either. ain't shit anywhere- well actually it's quite ironic because everythings SHIT- different ass, same shit every god damn day. or vice versa. ain't that fuckin ironic when an end-all-be all statement can be swapped around like that and still make sense? shows you the world we live in. you can monkey for a sister or a dildo for a brain and it wouldn't make a hat damn of difference. black sabbath coulda been a christian rock band and it wouldn't have changed shit. the gravity of our existences is so strong that any direction you swim don't make a damn change in this swirlin toilet we all ride- all goin the same damn place. some cats say fuck it enjoy the ride, and they don't make a damn difference from the cats that work their whole lives makin themselves miserable tryin to change the world. ain't a god damn difference.
my ass could be wiped off the cosmic toilet paper and you other flecks of shit wouldn't give a god damn, or you'd make a big deal about it and go on with your usual shit.  you know you're living in hell when you gotta fight tooth and nail just for god damn peace. heaven would be the opposite- that's how i know we're in fuckin hell. prove me wrong and i'll show you a flamin fuckin liar. you're in a snake pit surrounded by devils and the moment you throw one wrong look you're fuckin satan.

it's the same shit Garcia was sayin 'or Weir or whatever' in Box of Rain, only I ain't on painkillers.

shit, we got a couch outside the front door and that shit's facing backwards. seriously what the fuck. do i have to make a god damn asshole of myself every time i just wanna fix something or do the right fuckin thing? that's why I don't do shit. gotta be a fuckin devil just to do the right god damn thing around here. and look, i'll ask and it'll turn out i was wrong to ask, or there was some fuckin reason that shit was backwards, or some other convoluted rabbit pulled out of satan's ass just to make me look like a bigger piece of shit. that's all anyone's good for is makin me feel like fuckin shit! even when they make me happy they're just settin me up for a kick in the ass, I swear to god.

that's probly the reason they wouldn't let me go nukes even though i aced the ASVAB- fuckers probly realized I was the only puppet with brains enough to blow this hellhole to the dark side of the sun and do us all a favor.

and if you call me an asshole for thinkin so then you're an even bigger prick than me, by your own fuckin logic. fuckin hate this world.

ps fuck brown rice sushi whoever made that shit never ate it, then again God probly did the same thing when he made this hellhole n never spent a damn day here