ribbons of euphoria

So in one bit of news, I got a camera.

It was just like sixty bucks, it's a 10mp Olympus battery-powered lil beast of a photo-machine lol. I really digg it, pretty much the only thing that's not super-rad about it is the display on it, it ain't very high rez but if you're slightly confident in your photography skills, it's not a big deal. It has a lot more options for customization than any Sony camera I've used, for sure.

So overall pretty content with the purchase... A very awesome person sent me some much-needed financial assistance yesterday, which me and my gal promptly devoured. I told her I didn't wanna waste the money this time, though, and I'd been talking about how much I wanted a camera so she pushed me to just settle on a less-than-14mp/120$-pricetag camera. I'm glad she did, since compromising slightly on the price of the camera is gonna enable me to get a guitar with my tax returns.

It drives me nuts, I mean I shouldn't be getting ANYTHING right now right? I'm living with her at her parents' house and the only thing we got going for us is our drive to get into college together. We're taking the SATs in about two weeks, I can't wait. It seems a little silly for a dude my age to be taking the SATs but most people probly don't have a high school record like mine xD

In deeper and more relevant news (as far as my brain and stress levels go), I recently completed five straight days of sobriety... hell yeah. No weed, no alcohol, and most importantly, no DXM. I ended up splurging last night on a trip each for me and my lady, and I'm a little bummed today that the party's already over, but God it's nice not being retarded like that shit makes me.

I wanted to have a kind of adventure for us, so we went to the Chinese buffet down the street. We both agreed it'd be pretty rad to go all trippin on dex, so I threw down like ten bucks for the cause and we drank up before going in for food.

We were coming up as we sat there, working on a plate of food each... The nausea in my stomach seemed nothing special, just the pre-trip jitters. But it quickly went south. Instead of spreading the nausea down and eventually dissipating like usual, it stayed there in my stomach, and I soon realized a puke-session was imminent...

The bad thing is the waiters were all friendly and shit, like we had a pretty good time just chillin and talkin and shootin the shit, but I felt really scrutinized (it was a small restaurant and I swear the only other people eatin there worked there) and I felt bad about not being able to finish my food ya know... It was good, my stomach just was sending me the most obvious and dire messages lol. At one point I was one bite away from spewing all over the freakin table and just booking it outta that shit xD

I don't know, I could go on but pretty much, a couple minutes later both me and my girlfriend were tuned into the realization that I could probably do a better job chewing my food hahah ^^

Part of the inspiration for getting the camera came from us looking at my gnarly, colorful and chunkalicious barf splashed across the parking lot by her car heheh. Like it woulda been an epic pic, and it just made no sense we didn't have a camera or anything to share this shit with the world.

Yeah overall it wasn't a great trip. I spent most of it preoccupied with anxious shit, especially because we went to her best friend's wedding, and her fiancee/nowhusband is someone I really don't respect or have a lot of confidence in as a person, so I felt real uncomfortable being there.

It sucks talking about this shit but alas, shit's true.

This trip made me realize how much I wanna get the fuck outta here and go to school though. I can't wait to be back in beautiful, familiar Flagstaff, where you can't get lost driving around because there's a FUCKING MOUNTAIN right there for navigation! God I hate driving around here, it's so flat and wide-open, everything looks the friggin same and all the roads are named/numbered the exact fuggin same...

I spent like an hour just driving all around the country tryin to find this bitch's house and my girl was trippin and couldn't give me helpful directions over the phone... I was so fuckin frustrated by the sheer helplessness of it, God it made me miss my beautiful simple mountain town... Where you can walk anywhere from anywhere and meet cool people along the way, or just hit up the mountain and walk around in the light of God's brilliance til true inspiration strikes you.

I ain't gonna trip today and I don't plan on tripping again for another couple weeks. Sobriety ain't too bad, it's pretty much just learning to utilize all your extra energy that was previously blown tripping balls. The hard part is dealing with the reality of your situation, not being able to just feel good about whatever shit you're being fed. It's the only way to real progress though, I mean constant tripping is just like hanging a carrot in front of your tread mill... one you won't ever reach but makes you feel like you're always just about to.

Well enough reminiscing on shit.

I downloaded a playstation emulator and Star Ocean: The Second Story.

I need a fucking job. I don't have shit for confidence but I'll do whatever I have to fuckin do.

Hell who am I kidding, life itself is like chasing that carrot on a treadmill. Tripping just makes you realize that shit xD lotta good that knowledge does though eh.

In the words of a man more rad than myself;

~Fuck it, fight it- it's all the same...