Just 8 ounces to freedom, so I take that walk

Man idk what my problem is...

I have everything RIGHT there in front of me- it's so easy! All I have to do is this god damn homework! THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO DO!!

Yet it's the very last thing that I feel like doing.

I've always followed my gut, but this time my gut is telling me to do something that I don't want...

How is that even friggin possible?

Seriously...

All I have to do is this homework. If I could just sit down and grind down like one after the next and just get it done, hell it would take me maybe three days of steady working and I'd be all caught up and I'd feel awesome~

It's like I enjoy having my back against the wall, I swear.  I have everything I've hoped for and more, and it's like I just want to throw it all away.  What's the fuckin deal?

I mean you'd think I'd be grateful... fuck, shit is really starting to go good for me. Sure there's some shit I have to face once I'm done with school, which I can't really go into but, let's just say it's the only thing standing between me and the rest of my life. I don't fear it nor do I resent it (I'll do what I have to do to make things right) but...

Hmmm maybe that's what it is. It just feels like even doing my schoolwork, I'm just running from what I have to do.  But that's not the only reason I'm in school, hell no lol! Naw that ain't it...

I've always done this- always shot myself in the damn foot right at the critical moment.  It's like, I don't want the world to judge me. I don't want them to see all that I am... I'll always have some crutch, or condition that makes others suspend or lighten their judgement of me.

It's scary, to say 'this is my best'.  I doubt very much that most of us even man up and can honestly say that, without a tinge of conscience. Well, I'm manning up and admitting that I'm a god damn coward. Will I change? I doubt it.  I live life the way I am comfortable- I'll just have to make some slight alterations, is all.  I don't even know what they are but I know for fuck sure, I have to do this damn homework...

I'm goin to the store, gettin more ammunition for my chemical-caliber cold-steel shotgun. Blow my benign brains into oblivion... Err... dirty metaphor... Kurt Cobain does not approve.

Lmao- I tried typing Kurt Kobain and it came up as a spelling error til I changed it to C... wow.  The internet is the mother of all intellectual incest.  Just look at what we've created...

Talk about caged birds singin, momma mia...