Miserable Little Pile of Secrets

Momma mia things are not going so smooth...

Yeah what's new eh.  I swear it's ridiculous- how can people stand the redundancy of life?  Are they so craven and self-serving they can't ignore the chance to refine themselves more and more until there's nothing left but the tiniest identifiable-by-microscope-only grain of sand? 

It makes me wonder... what's driving me... why am I persisting... why am I not leaping forward for something eagerly?

I'm so timid... I spend so much of my time dabbling in insecurities and possibilities that I lose touch with reality, and the true scope of things... Just look at that last fuckin sentence for God's sake...

I don't think I'll ever have a stable 'scope' of things, but it isn't like I'm useless... my purpose remains unclear but persist I will... for better or for worse, good or bad, dark or light, hope or despair...

Goals... goals.... most people have real, tangible goals don't they...

"What is a man..? A miserable little pile of secrets!"

If I can make a game someone can quote with as much enthusiasm as I do with my favorite games, I'll be happy...

Well I'll be happy just to friggin finish a project, really.

Actually the game is coming along pretty well... Most of the major maps are constructed but there's plenty of breathing room for my own expansions down the road...

Heh, it's kind of a beautiful thing... it's a real work of passion, that's for sure- this whole game-making process. I definitely was right when I told my ma that it was a halfway point for me; it's business but it isn't ALL business like just straight Accounting, and it's creativity but not just... well it's like refining that creativity.  It's like the point when a guy says 'hey I don't just play guitar- I perform', or 'I don't just draw- I'm an artist'.

Ahhhh where's beer when ya need it... such sharp corners when things could be so smooth...