The Day After... Dark World... Searching For Friends...

It's amazing how temporal all things are...

I'm ashamed to say it, but I am so damn lonely... I feel like nothing- no amount of social acceptance or status, or intimacy with any one will ever satisfy this void, this hunger for closeness that perpetuates beyond all relapses of love and comfort.

Yet I must persist... with such a gaping open wound, I must continue forward.  How I do so is the bent of my nature, my character, my rulebook of life, or whatever.

God, the nights are cold here.  I'm definitely doing my laundry tomorrow.  Washing all my clothes, so they're nice and warm. The trouble is getting it to and from my bush without people noticing... garrr, people, man.

Luckily the people of Prescott have been incredibly kind and genuine. I find an innate warmth here that has been lacking in the ghost of the world I lived in before...

Fear escapes through the window
Like the sands pulled back into sea
Latching onto what is precious
Closely held, I think, it's me

For if I am an ocean
Then drifting, all my sailors be,
For no shore is found on any side
Nor no tempest wreaks through me
Still and placid I am always
Such a torture it must be
For those who boldly, barely sail
Like mice running round through endless hallways
Nothing new, to no avail

Man even my poetry is lame... well...

I used to have friends.  My friends kinda pissed me off but at least they wanted to be around me.  Now, I have no one that wants to be around me... Everyone's doing their own thing.  I wonder about those cats sometimes... but it's not like they've ever gone out of their way to reconnect with me. They don't care about me, as much as I don't care about them. I'm sure they all think of me, too, sometimes... Maybe we're just waiting for the right time, when it's easy, and seems right to reconnect.

I want to say that a Warrior makes his own will- that I can GET these friends back, if I want.

Aye, it seems I can't decide whether to use them as a stepping stone to new friends, or keep them and love them as they are... But why would I want friends that never made a single effort to get back in touch with me? I've tried several times to reconnect, honestly. I remember trying to call Lucas, going to his house, and waiting for hours... I did that a couple times... Dylan, Nick, I tried to get a hold of on Facebook.

It's always been my principle belief that you have all the tools you need right here- God provides all we need for any dream or endeavor.

Good God, it's freakin cold tonight... definitely below freezing, or right around there... I have plenty of food and water so I can endure through the night should I so desire...

Hell... I was supposed to do homework. But honestly, homework can wait til daylight lol when it's not below FREEZING xD

*sigh* wish I had stopped by my bush and grabbed my whiskey.  That'd warm me up...

Though I don't think any outside warmth can warm up this void, cold inside me... by the time it did I'd be burned away lol. 

Yeah this is some angsty shit. Ahh well...

It was so good dancing tonight... man.  I'm like a friggin celebrity at the bars...

I don't know... might go to my little burrow, just to get warm. Wish the school was open... I could use a hot shower right now... aye, that'd be nice...

I suppose if I really wanted to I could get a motel room for the night but it's such a waste of money.

Alright, I'm done ramblin... I send my love, as always... God bless~